Full Speed Ahead Seeking Calm Waters….

Who would have thought when my webmaster general suggested I start these blogs to offer a personal insight into myself and thoughts that I would have written this many, certainly not me. There was a personal fear of repetition and so far I believe I have avoided that pitfall even though I have touched on similar subject matters from different perspectives. If you think I need to freshen up my approach or have a suggestion feel free to throw a helpful spanner into the depths of the engine room works…

light and dark

At my best I’m amazing at my worst I’m a bloody nightmare. I have such belief in myself and what I do without being up my own arse when I’m in a good place, although I’m sure some people misinterpret that belief for arrogance. But when in that mindset I know I’m calm, chilled, rational, assured, bouncy and an entertaining joy to be with. That all falls apart when stress and uncertainty enter my world, I become manic, anxious and irrational and the funny thing is I can see myself doing it but I just can’t help myself or put the breaks on. In these more negative times many people steer clear, avoid me or cut me loose, and to be honest in a way I don’t blame them because I tire myself out and don’t really like me either. To the point sometimes I would like to flick the off switch and have rest from myself. But what I need from those closest to me is reassurance and some heartfelt reminding of whats good about me and in my life however annoying I can be. The people, the believers, the ones who see and cherish me are few and far between. As some have said to me “your a lovely bunch of blokes”.

Flotsam and jetsum

I divulge this insight because at times we can all be a pain in the arse or a bloody nightmare and depending on the extent of it we can all be challenging, difficult to approach or reason with. It’s at these times we favour the brave, those who know us and believe in us, who see the real us beneath the debris we, and life burden us with. For if when we loose sight of ourselves and all around us loose us too then we may end up on the rocks to be another mess of flotsam and jetsam. If we are with the wrong people,with the wrong energy, who have no real thought, compassion or care for us we can find ourselves being steered onto the rocks with no ability to control our path and possible oblivion. But like moths to the flame we weave our captivated dance to destruction or if we are lucky we survive burnt and frayed to dance the dance again.

dark and light

So when your friends are low be there for them and when your are low hope in this selfish, destructive, human mess of a world there is someone there who believes in you as much as you believe in them. For however many people we have around us and however busy life can be we are all ultimately lonely souls who will die alone, but hopefully with someone holding your hand, stoking your head and easing you on your way with love and compassion. This never being alone and always busy, for some, serve as distractions from themselves and the truths they will not reveal or admit even to themselves. But to live this way is to deny who you are, and if you are not willing to know yourself how can you ever truly know another or they know you. Although we may share our lives with people, open ourselves up to them and bare our heart, souls and very beings we do take this journey to some degree alone.

One thing is fundamentally clear if you shut yourself off from people emotionally you will ultimately be totally alone, for to live your life without real connection, is to live a life of real solitude and misery. Reach out…

Check out the links in red – some offer interesting tangents and some are more direct.

Until the next time…

with love and faith

Ruben x

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