Is Love a Tainted Dream….

I think this is by far longest break I have had from these Tales from the Engine Room blogs. This life thing, even at the most basic and simple level drags you along and consumes time. It’s now time to consume some of that time with words…

Is this thing we call love merely a dream or is it an illusion never to be grasped physically but only existing in the realms of the mind? As I have touched on before in a previous blog, I have come across people in life who fall in ‘love’ with every partner they have a relationship with, regardless of the length of time or the truth of the matter. I just do not understand this, or view it as even being remotely possible, but more likely it is unlikely love really exists but is instead is just desperately desired.

There are so many lonely people in life who seek their love, their soul-mate, that most of the time a mass of compromises and the desire not to be alone fuels a relationship that is bereft of real love. My life experience has led me to believe it is a very rare entity. There has however on several occasions been the belief it may exist, usually during those early heady days. Early on you can believe that the seed of love may exist but these early thoughts are generally always quelled quite quickly by reality and the dulling of that initial lust and desire. Once the lust and desire is out of your system and there is nothing more there in terms of depth, a bond, friendship and that special something that binds your souls together, its time to wise up and move on.

I think desire and infatuation can cloud reality, create the illusion of love and some use the idea of love to get what they want from another through deception. It is just so hard to find another who loves you as much as you love them, equally, it is as we know most of the time a bloody minefield. That minefield will test you throughout your life together by throwing in the odd spanner or test for your resolve to love one another. Whether that be just the day to day grind of life or others with lustful desires, these mines are many in number and therefore I hope your love is bulletproof, well armoured and more importantly true.

In reality time and experience are the true levelers. I have only tasted real love a couple of times in my life but when it all falls apart you are left questioning whether it was or was not love and even if it was why you could both let it implode and neither of you had the fight or belief to save it. My belief is that real love will survive and outlast everything life throws at you, the personal changes you both go through, health issues and even on occasions infidelity.

In my book, and I believe in most other peoples, infidelity is generally always the deal breaker, relationships are built on trust and belief in each other and as soon as you enter the realms of deception or fail to communicate openly with your partner it’s a hard and jaded road to recovery. That’s if recovery is possible or desired. I must say when it comes to infidelity I have either been lucky, as have not really experienced it or maybe it was that I was just well deceived and was instead blissfully blind to it. I hope and feel that has not been the case.

I feel there should be a natural balance between lovers and within their relationship. If you are continually giving, are selfless and considerate of your partner but get none of this in return I feel doubt and questions may and should surface. But there again balance is not always a mirrored thing and each partner may offer the other a set of completely different attributes that benefit their relationship.

When life has trampled on you, when your spirits are low and your health is ailing who is their to give you the comfort, love and support that’s needed to see you through? Who is your rock and confidant? Who always sees the best in you, tries to understand and more importantly believe in you? The answer should always be your lover and soul-mate, although I also realise close friends can also offer a similar support structure although with a different form of love without the same closeness and bond.

I think I will leave it there for this installment. Points have been made, questions put forward and hopefully positive and beneficial thoughts and debate created. But at the end of the day only you truly know if your in love and if you have found your life partner and soul-mate. If you have, I wish you well in your journey through life together. If you have not, remember when you seek it you will most likely not find it, it will find you, maybe even sneak up on you when you or it are ready, until then enjoy the journey and experiences life offers you.

Check out the links in red, some offer interesting tangents and some are more direct.

Until the next time…

with love and faith

Ruben x

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