Friends, Lovers and the Rest….

It’s been a wee while but life caught hold of me, pushed me, dragged me and spun me around while I was travelling along the path I am currently on. I’m not sure if there is enough of you reading this to give a damn but I have heard murmurings plus enquiries to where the next Tales from the Engine Room is. Well, it’s here…

I have always found life a fascinating thing, although at times it is far too pervasive for my liking because I’ll be honest I prefer my reality to the one offered by conventional society and the media machine that supports it. Hence living outside of it or on the edges all my adult life. Some may perceive me as a funny fucker, others anti-social and maybe they are right in the wider context of things but my world and the friends that occupy it keep me sane amongst all this human madness. I’m not referring the madness in the context of a mental disease just the actions and paths a lot of people take that have a negative and detrimental impact on others. Although seeing what goes in the world maybe people are mad and we are fundamentally doomed.

I greatly value my friendships while realising that there are very few friendships that cut deep and are full of all the ingredients that make those people true friends and not just acquaintances. I believe that true friends make us smile when the are not here and in the bad and sad times are the rocks upon which we stand. So I considered what makes a true friend and at the same time what I feel offer to my friends. Fundamental to any friendship is a commitment and consideration to your happiness. This is not just making you laugh but a consideration to your all over well being, to the point they are not afraid to step forward and offer their opinion and perspective if you take a wrong path or make the wrong decisions. A true friend should also be a good influence and moral barometer. I consider myself lucky to have a small handful of true friends although because of the life I have lived they are spread far and wide across this island and beyond. I think if you can count your true friends on one hand you are in deed very lucky as they are so few and far between.

What I have found to be even rarer is a true genuine soulmate or life-partner. I meet people who use this word ‘love’ every time they have a new partner and I just don’t understand the freewheeling use of this word. Sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the lust and desire to see what you really have. In my experience I have rarely met anyone that offers all the attributes of a true friend and those magical factors that captivate you, make you feel at ease, content and leave you spell bound. Love, true love that is, I believe is eternal, lasts and survives whatever life throws at you, including the changes that will effect both of you on your journey through life. I think this is even rarer in our throw away consumer society where its been made easier to get something new rather than repair and maintain what you already have to stay with that someone ‘special’.

If I look around at all the people I know in, or know of, in relationships I think it’s becoming harder to find your real soulmate as I see too many people in dysfunctional relationships or seeking what they should be getting from their partner elsewhere. Maybe this is not just an indication they are not with the right person but that they are afraid to venture out into life on their own again, who knows, the internal politics of relationships can be so hard to fathom from the outside. The grass is not always greener on the other side but you will never find that lush meadow if you are not you and you do not love yourself.

Although you rarely meet true friends or a partner that offers you true love I think it’s really simple to find and attract people who could possibly fit neatly into these roles within your life, as I said before just be you. I say simple, but since we can all be ‘actors’ in our social interactions and be what we think people want us to be to ‘fit’ in, this can be made harder as it takes time to unearth the real ‘you’ or them. I have always tried to buck against this on a personal level, but within society and all our wider interactions its not always as straight forward to do this unfortunately.

I hope you are with the partner that enriches your life as much as you enrich theirs and if that is yet to happen I wish you well in your journey to find them. And if that has happened or is yet to happen I hope your friends are the rocks to give you the firm footing in life we need to be us.

Check out the links in red, some offer interesting tangents and some are more direct. Until the next time…

with love and faith

Ruben x

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